i slept in until like 2 again so that was bleh. stayed up late again doing shit. i ended up playing 2 of the vns- they were really short, probably took me 20 minutes to get through the longest one? i think my favorite one that i found was your wings my wings. very pretty and the characters are cool.. one of them is a lot like me and i am. not sure how to feel about that.

listened to music and drew for a lot of today as usual. it was gross and rainy again so i couldn't really go outside. whatever it was a little cold anyway. the sun is setting earlier, i don't like it. after i get home from school theres a little less than an hour of sunlight left. during the winter most of my being-outside is when i'm waiting for the bus after school.. it takes about 15 minutes on a regular day and 30 on early release. my school is kinda weird and we get let out early on wednesdays so each week i get to sit out there for. 30 minutes. its gonna be awful when it starts dropping below like 30 and theres snow on the ground. eugh

school tomorrow. they should make weekends longer.

had an okay day. stayed up last night until about 2 am just drawing. tired but drawing is fun. got out of bed at around 2pm.. not proud of myself for that. immediately went somewhere- i had the choice to not go and wasn't really. expected to come along but i did.

finally played a visual novel that i've wanted to check out for a while. it was free and was pretty short but it was. interesting. i liked it. vn is allknowing idol jesus, i really love the creators artstyle. he has a few comics that are pretty good. have also been downloading other vns cause im bored as hell. found a handful, they'll probably keep me busy for a bit.

listened to one of teen suicides albums last night. i had listened to a few of their songs before and have liked them for a while so i thought i should finally check out the rest of their music. i like it a lot.

final thing ill probably type.. for the past few days my main thoughts have been. i Need to make detailed art. i Need to make a comic. mostly wanting to do digital stuff. i want to mess around more with colors and rendering/shading. i really should practice anatomy a bit more.. i usually go off of existing knowledge and what i see in real people and in other's art. i havent genuinely studied or practiced in like. over a year now. i guess it doesn't matter esp since im a teenager and have a shit ton of time to improve but this is kind of all i've got going for me. its not something i'd want to turn into a job though.. once i Have to make art or somebody wants me to its like. oh wow. this feels like a chore i hate this (guy who keeps taking art classes). whatever. i think i derailed from my original train of thought a bit. oh well. still on futurewhatever stuff i could prrobably go the science route i like science stuff. i have time to think about it

okayfinal thing. my brain has also felt really jumbled for the past. over a year but its getting worse iii dont know. my brain has been rly loud recently i dont like it.

i hate america
was okayish for a good amount of today despite certain events. i hate people so much. my head hurts and i keep spacing out.

theres this guy at school who talks to me sometimes and has been sitting at the table me and my friends normally sit at. was starting 2 be okay with him but hes a trump supporter and has weird opinions on trans people.. me n my friends are all queer and trans in some way so its like wow do i really feel safe around you. i dont.

should make something self indulgent that i can use for escapism purposes.. there is a story i have that was originally for that but i got embarrassed and changed it up. whatever ill make it more like how it originally was. too scared of death to kill myself for now i will retreat to the place in my mind instead

have felt weird these past few days. mightbe getting sick buut idk. everything feels weird. could be seasonal whatever. i dont know. life feels different and i feel awful all the time. i mean i did before but its worse now. oh well.

today was okay. i feel kinda sick rn and have a headache but for the most part im feeling fine. classes were okay... i didnt get to draw as much as yesterday. progressing in my web design lessons even though i kinda dont need to since im a unit ahead. i can only ever code cool stuff at school everything i make outside of it is so lamee.

gross and rainy again today so that sucked. was warm and not snowing so i guess i should be happy about that. im really not excited for winter, especially since everything got so awful last year. scared that everything is gonna go to shit again. im getting bad again so its. idk.

thinking about starting a comic so i have an excuse to draw my characters a billion times. not sure what i would do for it though.

7:35 pm- urgh. was feeling alright for a bit and now i feel weird and lightheaded and awful. i feel dizzy. i think i should go to bed early tonight

headachey and nauseous all day. was feeling good for a little bit after i got home but. idk.
band i like released a new ep.. listening as i type. its good i like it. i can barely understand it though.. its in russian and im kinds rusty with the little bit i know. whatever.

i drew a lot today, happy w how some of it turned out. were doing a makeup unit in my drama class and are currently working on aging. got to make my friend look old except i am. kind of really bad at makeup so it looked awful.. they made it Very clear that they did not like it. i thought it was kinda funny.

was warm out today, which wouldve been nice if it wasnt gross and rainy. time change happened so it was light on the ride to school and getting dark on the ride back.

running through what happened in my brain umm. i felt kinda awful today. brain was loud and jumbled and i couldnt focus on anything and i kept running into people in the hallways. felt on the verge of puking for most of today. still do. i stayed up until like 3 am last night and now im tired. i think thats all i got.. trying to write blog entries more often.

urk. forever unhappy with what i make. wish my brain wasnt weird and jumbles half the time.

i really miss how things were a year ago

first official blog post... woah... i remember originally making this site to have art comics etc whatever i think im just. going to keep it to blog posts. as of typing i still need to link this on the main page. i forgot the password for a while it kinda sucked i really missed working on this. or maybee i just miss the time period ive been thinking about like. a year ago a lot. its whatever